I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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