the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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