Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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