i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
