Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
