I am spending my child support on dildos
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
