Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He did a backflip because drugs
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