My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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