I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
