Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
