It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
