Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
