His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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