The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
