I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
