a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
