I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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