There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
