Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My ATM looks so different sober.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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