Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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