If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
