Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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