life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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