Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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