I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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