So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
