I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize