I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
