Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How external is "for external use only"?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
