my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
