Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
