I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
