plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
