i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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