I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
