me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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