I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
