Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
