very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize