dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
