Got a toothbrush?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize