is your mom at the bar?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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