I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
