how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize