One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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