Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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