Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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