If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
