Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
