You're so nebulous sometimes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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