And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
