Will you blow on my dice?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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