he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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