Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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