...so i touched it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
