He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
