Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
