Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
