I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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