Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
