Apparently you make a good broom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
